No regrets… ha!
Naturally, I have many regrets. And being raised Catholic, I feel guilty often about this. Most of the time I don’t have to worry about running into my regrets. Obviously if I regret it, it wasn’t meant to be and we have gone our separate ways willingly.
Sometimes I do. And because they happen somewhat frequently the awkwardness and embarrassment brings up the regret and sadness, though I try my best to brush it off.
In the last year or so I’ve had three regrets but each are unique as the individual involved. Time has smoothed over two of them. One hasn’t.
Every time I see him, I’m always surprised. I really shouldn’t be, clearly he socializes in similar circles. But every time I do I get flustered like a school girl with a crush. My next move is to plan to avoid him seeing me. If I have to pass him by, I look the other way. If he’s sitting with people I know, I won’t approach. However, on some instances, he’ll spot me first, or we’ll notice each other at the same time. I’m sure I blush as I dart my gaze away. He always looks so crestfallen.
Why is it so awkward? I suppose the whole situation was awkward to begin with. And end with. And the after a day later. But I suppose the biggest thing that stands out with this regret is the look. The look of disappointment every time I see him see me. It was supposed to be a textbook one night stand. I didn’t even want his number. I didn’t care I didn’t know him. I was safe and I went home. But he asked for my number as I scrambled to find my clothes and catch a cab to get home early Thursday morning. I was probably still drunk so blurting out “Really?” was probably unkind. No, I didn’t give him a fake number. A day later I ran into him at the same bar I met him. I was there with someone else. He smiled at me when I saw him, I smiled and turned away quickly. Then, in a mean spirited move, I told my “date” (while I had also recently met this guy, I was very open and honest with him off the bat) about the situation. In a not so nice move, he offered to glare at my regret, pretending to be a jealous boyfriend – up the awkwardness. I gave him the go ahead. It’s so easy to be mean and play silly little games.
So now I’m stuck running into him every once in awhile and reliving the awkwardness and embarrassment each and every time. Maybe if I talk to him like nothing ever happened the awkwardness will go away (one time I did approach a friend without noticing whom she was talking to – I ended up chatting with him, rather awkwardly, but not too bad) and time will smooth it out. But I’ll always regret it.
